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All right, gather round. It’s time to have some actual fucking fun at this party.” Dave said, considering it was his party after all, everyone did as instructed.
“WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING THIS TIME FUCKASS? LAST YEAR I ENDED UP WEARING DONKEY EARS WHILE YOU GOT EVERYONE ELSE TO STAB ME IN THE ASS BLINDFOLDED!” Karkat yelled, angrier than usual.
“We’re going to play seven minutes in fucking heaven. Only I’m extending it to fifteen, because the last time I played, I caught with my pants down, if you know what I mean.” Dave said, and everyone flinched, and groaned, not really needing that information. You have no idea why you were here. It wasn’t as if you were in any of their sessions.
“You’re triggering people, Dave!” Kankri complained.
“Shut up. You being a little trigger bitch makes me want to pull a fucking trigger on myself.” Karkat replied, not even looking at the guy. You sigh. Poor Kankri. Then again he was the reason you had come to Dave’s stupid party. Because you were hoping that you might be able to convinced the black sweatered tsundure shouting to your left to hang out with you. As if that were going to happen. He already had pretty much everyone hanging all over him, in spite of the barrage of “Fuck off”s and “Suck a dick”s that he berated them with.
Dave pulled out a black felt fedora with little slips of folded paper in them. He had a small smirk on his stoic face, which pretty much equated to a rape face for him.
“The girls will choose from this hat full of guys. Or other guys, if that’s what your into. I’m not gonna judge. First up is the new girl.” He pointed to you, and held the hat in your direction. You reluctantly drew, hoping to God you didn’t get Eridan. That would have caused you to run screaming from the party, in spite of the fact that this was the land of heat and clockwork, and it would likely result in your immanent lava-based death.
You drew a slip of paper, apparently torn from another with “Karkat-Dammit, you know my name, prick!” written on it. Your face turned pink at the thought of not only not choosing the undesirable sea-dweller, but at the odds of pulling the name, sort of, of your crush.
“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY HANDWRITING, STIOC PRICK?” Karkat shouted, snatching the paper and crumpling it in his hand as he blushed a little as well.
“I made you sign a ledger to get in. Does it look like there are enough people that I would need a paper trail to keep track of you? It was so that I could make sure I had your name in here.” Dave said, slightly raising an eyebrow.
“In you go!” Feferi said, jumping up with her normal level of excitation, and shoved Karkat into the closet, where you walked in, not wanting the same rough treatment.
“FUCKING BULGE-LICKING, NOOK-SNIFFING, HORN-HUMPING FISH! THAT HURT, DAMMIT!” Karkat yelled, having had landed on the end of a (thankfully sheathed) shitty sword. You had no idea what possessed Dave to bring all these things to his new house, but that was beside the point.
“Are you okay, Karkat?” You asked, placing a hand on his shoulder, as he held his stomach with a small wince.
“Yeah. Hit me right in the damn stab-scar, too. Hurts more than the rest of my skin.” He said, putting his hand inside his shirt to hold the injury closer.
“Here, let me see. I don’t want you to actually be hurt.” You suggested, mostly because you wanted to ensure his health, but also a little because you wanted to see him without that sweater.
“WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT? I’M FINE, DAMN GIRL.” He said, his cheeks flushing again as he returned to his normal shouting.
“I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Come on, please?” You gave him your best puppy eyes, hoping that this would be enough to break him. Luckily, it was, and he sighed as he removed the article of clothing. Underneath was a slim body, not rippling with muscle, but far from soft. You saw the stab scar, where the skin was reddened, and raised up from the rest of the light grey expanse.
You placed a hand to it, and he jerked away. You jumped back, thinking that you had hurt him somehow.
“I’m sorry. I was just-“
“JUST FUCKING FEELING ME UP?” He asked, and while that had not been your actions, it sounded like a good idea, and you mourned the wasted opportunity.
“No, asshole, I was seeing if you had a bruise. Now did you jerk away cause it hurt, or because you’re so unused to someone else’s touch that you didn’t know what to do with yourself?" You snipped, becoming a little annoyed with his strangely flighty behavior.
“I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU WEREN’T TRYING TO HURT ME SOME MORE?” he asked, showing a sliver of his usually well-hidden insecurities.
“Because I would never want to hurt you!” You said, pouting your lips and raising your voice a bit. Seeing as how you were a fairly calm person, this seemed to send him the message that he had fucked up somewhere. “I like you, you idiot, but all you ever do is yell at me and I can’t tell if you just do that to everyone or what.” You said, your face turning bright crimson.
“Like? Like…flushed, like?” He asked, his voice at the lowest decibel that you had ever heard it.
“No, I mean I like you in one of the weird troll romances that I don’t have. Of course I mean flushed!” Tears pricked your eyes. Now you would be treated like Eridan, the guy who just ran around begging for quadrants. He’d never talk to you again, not even to yell at you and- oh Jesus were those his lips?
You were dragged kicking and screaming from your negative thoughts, only to have the screams turn into an angelic choir singing cheesy love songs when you realized that not only was Karkat not rejecting you, but he was also kissing you, his chapped, candy sweet lips feeling oddly good on yours even with the less-than-smooth texture. He placed a hand to the back of your neck, holding you in place while a tongue pressed at your mouth. It took you a moment to realize what he was trying for, but he seemed annoyed with even this small delay, and he grunted before worming the slick organ to dance with your own. Your breath shortened to small, hyperventilating gasps as you pressed yourself closer to him, entangling your dainty fingers in his silken, raven locks. You were panting when he pulled away, and so was he.
“I feel flushed for you too.” He mumbled, looking away. You giggled, deciding to tease him.
“How flushed?” You asked, grabbing onto his arm.
“More flushed that your face after my Godly kissing. That’s how flushed.” He said, even making smartass comments in his love confession. You smiled, placing another small kiss to his lips as the door was open, and you both walked out, hand in hand, smiling and blushing.
“Wait, Karkat can smile? Dude, what did you guys do in there?” John said, cocking his head to the side.
“My guess is that Vantas is a quick finisher. If you need a real man, girly, everything’s bigger in Texas.” Dave winked at you, in spite of the growls he got from the candy-blooded troll. Karkat grabbed your arm and walked away with you, and you were in too big a haze to even ask where you were going.
This is what happens when I'm bored, and my friend makes me not kill off any character for the day.
Kankri version: [link]
Gamzee version: [link]
Signless: [link]
Feel free to request!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconultimateloverofanime:
Please do sollux!! I need some sollux action! 
Reply
:iconhurri-cat:
Hurri-cat Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
oh shit- everythings bigger in texas..... EVEN TACOS!? 
Reply
:iconnekominecrafter:
NekoMinecrafter Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You should see the goddamn marshmallows
Reply
:iconpowerpunk14:
powerpunk14 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
YUP I live there Aradia stares into your soul 
Reply
:iconhappyhomestucker:
HappyHomestucker Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Student General Artist
GHB that is all...(the grand high blood)
Reply
:iconwhendarknessstrikes:
WhenDarknessStrikes Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
"Everything's bigger in Texas"
XD
Reply
:icondarkangel110:
DarkAngel110 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Student General Artist
This was an awesome story! Can i please request dave? That is if you are still doing this.
Reply
:iconshannontheinsane:
ShannonTheInsane Featured By Owner Edited Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
WHY DO YOU HATE ERIDAN SO MUCH HE'S NOT EVEN ALL THAT SEXUAL HE JUST WANTS HIS QUADRANTS FILLED FOR FUCKS SAKE.
What people don't understand is that in Alternia, when the Imperial Drones come around, if you don't have a Matesprit/Kismesis to fill buckets with, you're dead. So of course Eridan would want to fill his quadrants. HE DOESN'T WANNA DIE! And also, THERE'S A FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FILLING QUADRANTS AND FILLING BUCKETS. NOWHERE IN HIS INTRODUCTION DOES IT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIM BEING SEXUAL, EITHER.
Sorry for ranting, it's just that I find it extremely annoying how many people in the fandom just think of Eridan as the pervert, which he's not, and I have to educate people about him.

    - Shannon
Reply
:icondemonicangelface:
DemonicAngelface Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2015
I know right?! It's so annoying how people think that Eridan is extremely sexual. And I don't blame him for liking the girls in homestuck. They are really pretty
Reply
:iconthe-knight-of-dreams:
The-Knight-of-Dreams Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Student Writer
I hear u sister!
Reply
:iconkawaiikittylovescake:
KawaiiKittyLovesCake Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
Chill.
Reply
:iconxxstormyshadowxx:
XxStormyshadowxX Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
'my Godly kissing'
Reply
:iconmollythepotato:
mollythepotato Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I would request Eridan, but the reader clearly stated that they would rather face a fiery demise than be trapped in a closet with Eridan. Whether you do Eridan or not, I still think this is amazing. Also, maybe Tavros or Jake? c:
Reply
:iconeveechick9:
eveechick9 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
jaaaaaaake yes yes omfg yes!
Reply
:iconditsy310:
Ditsy310 Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
sollux, make a sollux one, you haaaaaaaave two,pleeaaaaaase
Reply
:iconsophifoxqueen:
SophiFoxQueen Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Student General Artist
Yes I need my sexy little bumble bee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconis831fan9:
IS831fan9 Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
*cooooooooough**cough*SOLLUX :iconnicholascageplz: *coughghduhdbcuiefncbyufcvfycnznhwybcu* SOLLUUUUUUUUX :iconicholascageplz: my life will be complete if u do
Reply
:iconis831fan9:
IS831fan9 Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
* :iconnicholascageplz:
Reply
:iconcaramelldancengirl:
CaramellDancenGirl Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Professional Writer
Hey uhm
Can you make an Equius version?
I mean he'll probably have to be super gentle because of his STRENGTH but there aren't enough lemons for him
Reply
:iconxxemonemoxx:
xxEmoNemoxx Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
*cough* Tavros *cough* c:
Reply
:icontigerb103:
tigerb103 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
O! You should do Dave... Not like 'do' dave but like make a dave story... Like... This. You understand so imma go now.
Reply
:icondanielle14178:
danielle14178 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Finally, someone who uses and remembers the stab scar. FINALLY.
Reply
:iconajones123:
Ajones123 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014
Grand Highblood!
Reply
:iconsulan94:
Sulan94 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh, hell motherfucking yes OuO
Reply
:iconajones123:
Ajones123 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014
can u do John and Dave?
Reply
:iconannileehetalover247:
Annileehetalover247 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Cronus eridan sollux XD PLZ! <3
Reply
:iconcheshiregonecrazy:
CheshireGoneCrazy Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I vote Cronus kurloz and sollux
Reply
:iconyumibunny128:
YumiBunny128 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014
Dave: "Everything's bigger in Texas." (winks)

Me: OH DEAR GOD NO WTF DAVE EEEUGGHH
Reply
:iconsouleatergyrl:
Souleatergyrl Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Last year I ended up wearing donkey ears and everyone was stabbing me in the ass


Omf...oh gog :iconovaries
Reply
:iconkentaka123456:
kentaka123456 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Omg Dave! I am from Texas too and just no! I'm sorry but I'm tired with humans right now!
Reply
:iconclassicgamergirl:
ClassicGamerGirl Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh could you do eridan?
Reply
:iconsneasel9995:
Sneasel9995 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
is it wrong that the part about Karkat being stabbed in the ass blind folded made me think of some weird kinky kismisis thing with him and eridan?
Reply
:iconkarkat-fuckin-vantas:
No. It's not.
Reply
:iconsneasel9995:
Sneasel9995 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Cool! (even if it was I wouldn't care XD)
Reply
:iconashwing144:
ashwing144 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
john plz plz plz and I LOVE IT!!! TO MANY FEELS!!! :iconyayplz:
Reply
:iconthornpelt125:
Thornpelt125 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
John, Sollux, Mituna, and Jake!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconsarabaylee9:
sarabaylee9 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013   Digital Artist
Do Cronus or eridan or Kurloz!!!!!! Defiantly Kurloz!!!!! He's my bby!!!!!
Reply
:iconthebestdamnusername:
Thebestdamnusername Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
YESSSSSS
Reply
:iconheavymetallover678:
heavymetallover678 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013
Eridan or Sollux one please! :)
Reply
:iconchuckywolf:
Chuckywolf Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
my 4 comments after dave said "everytings bigger in textas" 1 i hate you 2 go die in a ditch 3 i hope you die 4 i hope eriden rapes you in your sleep douchbag! i litraly said that i was like "i got a kk i no need some tiny ass texas!"
Reply
:iconthornpelt125:
Thornpelt125 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
And Sollux
Reply
:iconthornpelt125:
Thornpelt125 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
DO JOHN!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconninjagogirl173:
ninjagogirl173 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013
Can u do eridan pwease?
Reply
:iconcarnivalofcrimson:
CarnivalOfCrimson Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

"Everything's bigger in Texas."  Oh my god Dave.

 

 

Reply
:iconangiegirl1018:
angiegirl1018 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013
Could you do Gamzee? Please!!
Reply
:iconkaitybug20:
kaitybug20 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
Eridan please?
Reply
:iconharuhi95:
Haruhi95 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist
Could you make one with Cronus or Sollux? Please? *stares at you with puppy eyes*
Reply
:iconnyancatlover16:
nyancatlover16 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Do a sollux please
Reply
:iconmewsoliar:
MewSoliar Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
lol dave. i love this it was so amazing *huggles you*
Reply
:iconhopedrop:
Hopedrop Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh Dave, I guess I should be somewhat proud I'm Texan. |D
Reply
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